Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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