i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
