hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
