yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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