Duck Duck Cougar?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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