this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
