Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
