There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
foreskin is a definite game changer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
