ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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