...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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