I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
