I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
