Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
