Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
