i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was like eating out sand paper
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i now understand why vodka
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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