I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize