She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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