All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize