it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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