I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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