: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.