i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Where is the hickey?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.