CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future