party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i black out too much to be "responsible"