then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
