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4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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