Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
