I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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