Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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