At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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