Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
