I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Someone signed my nipple.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?