Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
