Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
