She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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