p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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I can't trust your balls anymore.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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