your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize