I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
