I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize