My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
