K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
