im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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