Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
