he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
