I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
