Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
