I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my poor anus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
