I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
