I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
