anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize