Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
