He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
