The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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