I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
