i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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