is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
