The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
being pregnant is like rehab
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
