Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
