hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
