Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
