I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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