Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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