and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
