When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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