Will you blow on my dice?
I faked an abortion last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
