why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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