I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize