I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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