I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
